And so another year goes by, and I’m left wishing time would slow down and perhaps stop for a while. George is 9 years old tomorrow and it’s like my world is changing, and fast.
As each day, week, month and year goes by I’m needed a little less and it hurts. A lot. I’ve gone from doing everything for him to supporting him in doing things by himself, and one day he’ll pack his things, say goodbye and start his own journey, without me…
I know it’s normal and natural, and I know I’ll be even more proud of him than I am today (if that’s possible!), but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
I feel so incredibly lucky that we live a home educated life; I have every opportunity to see my children grow and change, develop and learn, play and interact with others. I get to see them discover new things and I’m able to see the look of joy on their faces as each day brings new discoveries.
It’s not that I don’t want them to be independent, I really do. It’s more about the time I get with them whilst they still need me. It doesn’t feel like enough time, do you know what I mean?!
We spend all those months after they’re born encouraging them to talk, crawl, walk… We push forward to the next milestone full of excitement and then it passes and we move onto the next one.
It’s like we’re wishing their life away and we don’t even know it.
I look back and wish I’d enjoyed those baby days more. I wish I’d captured more photos and created more home movies. I wish I could step back into my memories and hold their tiny toddler bodies close to mine, I wish I could smell *that* scalp smell once more and I wish I could relive their first steps on loop…
People always told me it would fly by and I used to laugh it off. But gee whizz, they were 100% spot on. You wake up one day and your child is suddenly a little adult in their own right. They don’t need help choosing clothes and they have opinions (BIG OPINIONS!) and they ask questions and explore the world in their own chosen way and even though it’s amazing and beautiful, it also leaves a void in the centre of your heart.
I feel redundant.
And I know deep down I’m really not. I know when the s*** hits the fan, I’ll be the one they turn to. I know when they have serious questions or they just need a hug, I’ll be waiting. I know that even when they’re 10 or 20 or 30 or older, I’ll be the one to hold their hand and tell them it’s going to be alright.
Because that’s my job. The greatest, most beautiful and sometimes painful job. The job I will never, ever quit.
And so, whilst they continue on this whirlwind journey to adulthood, I’ll do everything I can to support them and be there when they need me. My promise to them is to always be there, waiting in the wings, for that magical moment when they need me.
Even if it breaks my heart each time they don’t…
Do you feel like the years are passing by in a flash?