Are You Afraid of Your Period? #LetsTalkPeriods

A mouth breaking through material and the title.

*This post contains
some graphic descriptions.
I know people often
shy away from period talk, and I kinda get it. People think periods
are gross, or embarrassing, or just one of those things we all know
happens each month but we never talk about it. For me, my periods are
something I’m actually quite scared of, and I think it’s time to
address this issue, whether it can be resolved or not. 


Do You Have Menophobia?

My periods have
always been heavy and painful. I know other women suffer much worse
than me, but since the age of 14 I’ve had a really difficult time
with heavy periods, from blood clots to leaking through my clothes,
when that time comes I feel low, paranoid and pretty drained.
This feeling is
based on so many things. Firstly, I am really afraid of bleeding to
death. I know it sounds like a really silly phobia, but it’s true. I
remember seeing The Witches of Eastwick for the first time and
watching the scene with Michelle Pfeiffer, I literally felt so sick
and it was then I realised how much it scared me. Perhaps the film
created this fear, who knows… All I know is, when my period comes,
those images float back into my mind.
After I’d given
birth to George I had a really heavy bleed at home and was taken into
hospital. I was petrified. Was this it?! Was I about to bleed to
death? (I can’t even utter the world ‘haemorrhage’, it makes me sick
to my stomach to type it.)
I can still remember
the rush of blood feeling as it poured out of me, my body tensing
each time as if I could hold it in. I remember the midwife telling me
that if it was going to come out, then it was going to come out, and
to just relax. I know she was right, and I hear her voice every
month, for ‘five to seven days’ (My Girl, of course!).
My fear has reached
an all time high since having our miscarriage last year. The feeling
as our baby ebbed away still hits me each month. I stand up and the
feeling comes; the flow, the gush, the reminder of each moment during
that tormenting time. I can’t get it out of my head.
I also can’t stand
the mess, because with it comes more fear. When I soak through the
bedsheets I wake wondering, ‘How much this time?’ and since the
miscarriage I’m actually scared to look. But look I must.
I also dread going
out. What if I leak through? What if I drip onto my clothes and I’m
on a night out? What if I forget a back up sanitary towel? What if I
smell? All those questions and more racing around my head…
I must say that
things have become a bit better since taking on a vegan diet. My
periods are still adjusting somewhat, but my bloodclots are now
smaller than before. I think this change will be gradual, and
regardless of the clots I still tense up when there’s a rush of
blood. And I still worry. Constantly.
I’m working on it
though, and this is the first step. Being honest, opening up to you,
talking about it all. Using words that make me uncomfortable. I’m
very emotional as I write this, facing up to my fear of my own blood.
My natural cycle which has become an irrational nightmare. Is it
irrational though? To fear that much blood? I’m really not sure.
I wonder how many
other women feel this way? I wonder how many women could talk about
this, and ultimately help each other? I wonder…
Are you afraid of
your periods? Let’s talk about it. Let’s open up the door to period
chat and fear of bleeding. It exists. And we have a chance to make it
better, to make each other see how normal we all are. A chance to see
our periods as a positive thing, a normal thing, a thing to actually
be proud of.
Because we should
be. We should be able to talk about it. We should be able to share
stories without judgement or regret. We should be able to support
each other and embrace our bodily functions (gosh, that’s such a
horrid term isn’t it?!).
So, let’s change things. 

                              Let’s be open. 

                                      Let’s talk
periods… 

pinterest pin with feminine mouth breaking through material plus title
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2 Comments

  1. 6th May 2018 / 12:09 am

    Go to your GP. I spent most of my life like this thinking I just had to put up with it, but they can help. There’s small ops or medication that can help. Even getting checked that you’re not anaemic. Big hugs.

    • Kelly Allen
      Author
      3rd June 2018 / 4:05 pm

      I’m kind of used to it, and it has become worse since the miscarriage. It is improving with diet changes though, slowly, slowly 🙂

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