My Miscarriage and Me: The Waves.

It’s been nearly four months since we went through possibly the worst experience of our lives and I know people expect us to be ‘over it’, shocked if we have a moment of sadness or we feel odd around babies and pregnant bellies…
 Well, I guess I’m writing this to tell anyone who has ever lost, whether an unborn child or parent or anyone they’ve loved with all there heart, it’s okay to have bad days. I call the emotions I’m experiencing since the miscarriage ‘The Waves’, and they’re exactly what I had (and still experience) after my Dad died.

‘The Waves’ basically refers to the ebb and flow of emotions experienced through grief. So, for example, in the beginning the waves are crashing back and forth continuously. Over time these waves spread out; instead of constant pain and tears you have ‘good’ and ‘bad’ days.

Last week I had a week full of waves, crashing into my heart when I least expected it. I have no idea if it’s stress related, or hormonal, but it was a week of crying and sadness, especially when I saw babies or pregnant women. It’s not that I feel jealous, quite the opposite, I am truly happy that these young souls made it into the world safely. But I do feel a deep sadness. Sadness for what could have been but never was…

So if you know somebody who has had  miscarriage, don’t be fooled into thinking they’re okay after a month, six months or years down the line. What’s really happening is we’re learning to live with it. The pain and anguish sits beside us in our periphery and it never goes away.

So be kind to each other, grief is grief, whether it’s an unborn child or a friend, when you lose someone you loved you never get over it. So let’s help each other live with the pain so we can see the darker days through with a little bit more love in our hearts because kindness doesn’t cost a thing.

If you want to read more on this subject, then you can look at Our Story, The Loss, What Can You Say? and Dignity posts.