The postman smiles as he hands me the box. My words stick in my
throat and I hold the tears back, forcing a smile as I receive the
flowers. Flowers of sympathy and kindness… If only he knew.
should have been my pregnancy announcement post. Telling the world
how excited we were about the baby we’ve wanted for so long. Instead
this post is about the baby that will never be, the baby we never had
the honour to meet, the baby who couldn’t be George and Molly’s
little brother or sister, the baby who we’ll never name.
began last Sunday, and since then I’ve had a lot of time to think. A lot of time
to reflect and a lot of time to cry. I’m still crying. We’re still crying. I don’t think we’ll ever stop.
know if it would happen or not after a year of health issues. The thought of telling each person
that, in fact, we’d ‘lost the baby’ (we’re still losing the baby, a week later) was devastating. I couldn’t imagine sending a
message to every friend, every contact I’m supposed to be working
with, every stranger who overheard Molly squeal with joy, ‘We’re
having a baby!’.I also couldn’t imagine friends sharing the ‘news’; it’s too awful to imagine, the news spreading without me even realising it…
feeling this week has been one of loss; loss of a child, loss of a
brother or sister for George and Molly, loss of joy, loss of life…
There is a void and I feel hollow.
of what has happened/is happening hits me. That moment of grief and
loss is the worst feeling in the world.
lost in myself. I researched various things, looked for help and
words of comfort online, and I found very little. This shocked me because I needed to feed on the words of comfort from others who were like me.
share it with others who may be going through similar experiences and
feelings of loss. When I started writing I felt my tummy flip, nervous for so many reasons. Nervous to put it out there, nervous incase I say the wrong thing, nervous incase someone is angry because they didn’t find out before reading this…
Then I realised, this isn’t about all of that. This is about grief and sadness, it’s about emotions and feelings, healing and dealing with the pain. It’s not about other people, but it is here to help other people.
over the next few weeks in a series of posts and I hope they help you,
if you too have lost. I also hope they’ll help people who haven’t experienced loss help those that have.
vent and heal through the written words of my posts, but I also want
to reach out and help those who feel the same, those who have lost,
those who are grieving.
you are not alone.
this all from my own experiences, thoughts and feelings. I write this
as a person who already has children. I write this honestly, but it
does not mean everyone will feel or experience the same things. I write this to heal and to reach out to others who have experienced loss.