I'm Tired of Being Sorry…

I’m so tired of being, feeling and saying sorry… I hear people (including myself) throw around the word ‘sorry’ like it means nothing. We say sorry if we step one way, sorry if we don’t catch the door when someone holds it open for us as they walk away, sorry for being too loud, sorry for being too quiet, sorry for being sorry….
Today a stranger said sorry to me and I said it back as we walked down the street; George went from left to right on the pavement and Molly followed. The man went right to left and apologised (WHY?) and then I replied with an apology… (again, WHY?) We smiled and carried on walking. That’s just weird, right? Plus, doesn’t it make us feel bad? It must leave some sort of mark, saying sorry for everything… What’s next, saying sorry for breathing?!
I feel mad at myself about this because I constantly say to my children, ‘When you say sorry, it’s not enough, you need to change…’ I believe that saying the word ‘sorry’ isn’t always enough. As the old saying goes, ‘actions speak louder than words…’
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Obviously, this kind of idea stems from someone being physically or mentally hurt, someone saying mean things or pushing and fighting (kids, yeah?) but I feel that if you say sorry for these actions, then you need to start actng differently…
Then, on the other hand you’ve got the sorry for nothing. Sorry for where you walk or if you reach for the teapot first, the sorry for ‘doing’ things… This kind of sorry leads to the sorry for being you
I have wasted so many ‘sorry’s this way. Sorry for crying or sorry for for being happy, sorry for not posting a letter or sorry for getting something wrong. I’m so exhausted from it. I’m so drained of ‘sorry’s I fear I may run out of them…
So…
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I remember my mother tagging me in a quote, and I remember feeling ‘something’, a sizzle in my belly and a relief that there, in a mixture of words, somebody finally pinned me and so many of us down…
The thing is, we’re the knida folk that stand out, the ones with their giant feet in their mouths and the ones constantly saying, ‘Oh, I’m sorry… sorry, yes oh sorry…’ but we’re also the ones that truly, truly (with our hearts firmly pressed onto our sleeves) care.
So, if you’re one of us, this is just for you…
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