I’m tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour

 

Yep, you heard that right. I’m tired of being accountable for other people’s sh***y behaviour. I know it *might* sound like a negative thing to say, but I ask you, stay with me… it’ll be worth it!

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour

 

The other day I came home from a day out feeling utterly drained. At first I presumed it was because we’d had two full on home ed days and we’d all just had enough. But the more I pondered how I felt, and related it to other experiences of sheer exhaustion, the more I realised it came from a place completely out of my control (or so I thought at that moment).

After thinking about my interactions of the day, I started to realise how much other people’s sh***y actions and behaviour made me feel exhausted, drained and also pretty sh***y. Funny that, eh?

 

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – The Ricochet Effect

At the time, a good friend pointed out that attitudes and moods spread like wildfire. If the bus driver is rude to you, you end up feeling sh** so you might be rude to the person at the post office, then that person feels sh** and they’re rude to their next customer and so on…

It passes on from the one person to the next, spiralling the shittiness until the whole world is a hot mess of negativity…

Well f*** that.

It’s true! This sh***y behaviour spreads like a disease until we’re all miserable but don’t understand why… And if you’re nice to the sh***y person, then nice to everyone else, you’ve got a bigger problem. You not only feel a bit sh***y when you return to the safety of your home, but you also feel exhausted and physically drained from a day of being super since to super sh***y people!

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – The Pressure of Society…

It seems that lately we’re being told (by society/social media)  to try not to be upset by people’s sh***y behaviour and actions. We’re told to try and ‘understand’, to ‘let it go’ (whatever that means?!) and to remember that they might be having a really bad day/week/month/year. We’re given a guilt trip about the sh** complete strangers give us…

Well, f*** that too.

By doing this, and acting on this, I feel utterly drained, miserable and sad, don’t you?!

I meet people, I smile, I chat and (naively?) I kinda expect people to be the same. I don’t take my problems out on a stranger and I don’t expect a stranger to take their problems out on me.

But because of the many memes and quotes I see spread across Facebook or springing up on Instagram stories, not only do I end up feeling shitty when someone is rude to me, I’m then given a guilt trip because if what *might* be happening in that person’s life. How f***ed up us that?!

So when the conductor on the train snatches my ticket and huff’s away, or the lady at soft play eyerolls at my child and can barely smile at me as we leave, or the dog walker in the park gives me daggers whilst I’m walking along and smiling, I am told ‘by society’ to suck it up and think about them…

I’m told to think about what may (or may not) be going on in their lives. The guy on the train may have lost his wife, the lady at soft play might want kids but can’t get pregnant, the dog walker may have just lost one of their beloved pets…

Who knows?? But I’m told I need to think about it by social media and the world at large.

Er, no thanks.

If you have anxiety, or you’re an empath, or you’re sensitive, then this pressure to not only cope with shittiness but to also try to imagine what they might be going through is INSANE.

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – What About You?!

A big issue of this whole guilt trip is the fact that the person receiving the sh***iness might be going through sh** too, they just choose NOT to take it out on complete strangers.

This person could be suicidal, they could have just been diagnosed with a life threatening illness, they could have just found out their partner is having an affair…

In truth, the ones not projecting are just trying to get on with their lives in this mad world without feeling utterly miserable. We offer smiles and chatter, we offer an ear when we meet new people, we’re open and positive and grateful to be alive. And we’re also more than happy to listen to people’s woes and worries, because that’s what kindness is all about.

But when we’re met with sh***y attitudes, it consumes us. And I don’t know about you, but I end up feeling like sh**. Because we’re constantly told to accept this sh** as well as to try to understand the stuff we don’t know anything about.

Now, that’s a heavy weight to carry.

Besides, how can we presume what’s going on in someone’s life if people don’t tell us??

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – You’re Responsible for YOU!

We’ve recently watched the entire first series of After Life. Ricky Gervais’s character has lost his wife and he lives his days being a pretty vile, snappy and generally miserable and very sad guy. It’s totally understandable that he feels sad, but he goes out of his way to make rude comments or mock other people’s lives, and then one day he starts to realise how those actions affect other people. He sees that his actions are his responsibility, not anyone else’s. He begins to do kind things, make sweet gestures and his world suddenly changes…

We need to remember that our actions truly affect other people, so we are accountable for ourselves. We are not accountable for someone else’s rude remarks, hostility, judgemental attitudes or funny looks…

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – I’m Not Accountable for You.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I can deal with other people’s sh**iness is realising that actually, they’re accountable for it, not me. Telling myself that I have no control over their behaviour but full control over mine makes me feel less damaged by their words or actions. Their behaviour is about them, it’s not about me.

I’m not accountable for the dirty looks from strangers or the people who shove past me on the train to get to the seats first, I’m not accountable for the person who spits on the street or the person who gives me daggers as they take payment for my coffee.

I’m not accountable for any of their behaviour, and neither are you.

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – Ways to Cope…

What I am accountable for is my own actions, my own words and my own behaviour. And I can trust you, they won’t be sh***y, even though I could easily get swept up in the domino effect of sh***iness.

In order to keep myself sane and happy, I’m going to do my best to remember and remind myself of the following things:

1. I am not accountable for other people’s behaviour
2. I am not responsible for other people’s attitudes
3. I am a positive, kind, caring person
4. Other people’s behaviour is about them, not me
5. I am responsible for my own actions and reactions
6. When I meet someone who is acting or behaving in a sh***y way, I choose to not take it personally but also not to dwell or worry about it because…
7. I choose to think, ‘What positive can I take from this?’ thanks to You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

I plan to go about my days being the happy, kind, considerate person I truly believe I am, and you can too!

 

I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour – You Don’t Need to be Sh***y…

I get it. You’ve had a bad day/week/month/year and you are angry, sad and sh***y. But you don’t need to take it out on people who have no clue who you are, let alone what your problems are all about.

If I’ve had a bad day, there are certain things I will do to make myself feel better. Here are my top tips for coping with sh***y days….

• Talk it through with friends, colleagues, partners or family
• Run a nice bath, pop some incense and candles on and listen to your favourite songs whilst relaxing in the warm  soapy water
• Write it down in a journal and get it out of your head
• Call a helpline if you need to
• Make yourself a pot of tea and watch a movie
• Listen or read You are a Badass by Jen Sincero because it will make you live your fullest life!

Try to avoid:

• Alcohol
• Staying up late
• Being sh***y to complete strangers

 

So yeah, that’s about it. Be good, be kind, be considerate. It costs nothing and the universe will thank you. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading I’m Tired of Being Accountable for Other People’s Sh***y Behaviour, please comment below with your thoughts and experiences and share if you enjoyed reading this!