I’ve spent so many years trying to figure out who I am and where I belong, and I think (to a certain extent) I’m still trying to figure a lot of this out. From how to dress to who I should spend time with, life in general is a minefield.
The Importance of… Being YOU!
Before I had kids I think I’d started to discover the ‘real’ me, and after meeting Warren I embraced myself (inside and out) a lot more! and then suddenly I was pregnant and life began to change. When George was born I couldn’t sleep much, I ate when I could and life was a haze. A beautiful haze, but still a haze…
Then Molly came along and I think having two children under two was quite the challenge! My make-up and hair took a backseat and life was all about playgroups and snacks. You know what I mean, right?!
And I’m not writing this because I’m resentful, quite the opposite… They gave (and are still giving me) the best years of my life. They both make me connect with the world on a whole new level, and they bring me such love and true joy on a daily basis.
I’m writing this because, within this mad house of love and wistful dreamy days, I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost what I stand for. It’s not all bad, because now I see how it doesn’t matter to those two what I look like or what I do, they’ll love me no matter…
But it matters to me. I want to wear bold make-up and clothes that I haven’t just thrown on out of convenience. I watch Molly get dressed in such a precise way and I want that for me! I want to listen to Bowie more and continue hula-hooping, I want to read books in pure silence and embrace myself as the real person that I am.
Because, and it feels weird admitting it, I’m other things as well as a mother. Being a mother will probably be my greatest achievement, but this doesn’t mean I should stop reading or writing, or that I should pack my eyeliner away for good.
It means I need to combine the two.
This realisation came to me the other day, and soon after I had orange eyeshadow on and my hair was as neat as it gets (for me!) and I felt whole again. I felt I could take on the world. Blame my star sign that day, it said, ‘be brave’ and I was.
As George stared at my orange eyes in wonder, I had an epiphany…
I can be a mother. I can be me. I can be a mother and I can be me!
I can wear skull necklaces and have ribbons in my hair and still be a good mom. I can still go out for a beer with my mates (wherever you guys are… haha!) and still be a good mom. I can listen to Bowie, write poetry on scraps of unused paper and still be a bloody good mom!
Afterall, on the day our first child was born I didn’t sign a contract declaring I’d become faceless. I didn’t swear we’d be known only as ‘a mum’ and I didn’t agree I’d keep my hair in a greasy bun for all eternity. What I did agree to was to freakin’ rock this world with our awesome mothering skills, I agreed to supporting other mothers and not knock then whilst they’re down and deep down I agreed to be myself; my awesome unique self…
I just need to find her again, that’s all.
Things that make me, me!
- Bright make-up, especially my eyes!
- Reading books
- Writing poetry
- Singing to myself
- Unusual dress sense
- Loving my family
- Energy and positivity
- Hugging my little ones
- Non-stop chatterbox
- Crazy eyebrows
What makes you, you?